I’ve been delivered the biggest blow of my swimming career. After a long 4 years of swimming up and down that black line, I finished 9th at the Olympic Trials and missed the final (a final which I finished in 3rd last year), hence ending my Rio Olympic Dream. It’s thrown me into this chasm of what I can only describe as nothingness or “no mans land.” I’m at a crossroads and I’m being tugged in different directions by my heart and my mind. It’s the first time in my life I’ve lacked direction. It’s scares me. I’ve always been a goal oriented person, and now that my long life dream of becoming an Olympian is over for this year, I’m unsure whether to continue at least with the thought of achieving my dream in 4 years time.
There are two distinct paths ahead, one which follows my dream, one which follows the path of a business career. When I put it into words, there always seems to be one obvious path. I’ve sought advice from a multitude of people from my family, my coaches, my friends, even people who really know nothing about me. And yet, I’m still stuck in “no mans land” because I know this decision will affect my life forever. The answers within still haven’t bubbled to the surface.
However, I have made my choice, maybe a choice that is perhaps yet unseen.
My decision is that I’m not quite ready to make a decision.
I’m happy with this choice. It gives me more time. I think it is an option that people fail to recognise and an option that many people fail to choose. Decisions that shape your future are ones that shouldn’t be taken lightly or quickly. It’s a choice that could haunt you on your death bed, so it’s perfectly okay to delay the decision if you’re not ready to make it. Embrace that choice of extension and continue the process to look for the answers within.